The Reasons

Allow me to explain the multiple reasons I have for targeting the president of my company, Mr. Daniel Patel.

First of all, he thinks a heavier paycheck proves he's better than me.

I must admit, he's an extraordinarily gifted man, but I have always been, and will always be, better at what I do.

The fact that their legs tingled while watching Michael Jordan participate in the activity at which he thrived doesn't mean #23 was a better human being than the cheering spectators in awe of his unprecedented basketball skills.

I'm not scolding successful people, I rate myself one, I'm saying that it should be instinctive to locate your passion and excel. If your calling leads to an inability to remember in which garage you warehouse your lightest blue Ferrari, great, but it doesn't make you superior to those who operate with equal vigor.

I wouldn't target an individual solely for his or her egregious pomposity. Most of my disdain for Mr. Patel stems from taking blame for the heinous crime of precisely following his meticulous instructions. A general example . . . He orders a large box placed five feet from his desk. He later trips over the cardboard obstacle. Resulting anger is aimed at the peon who wasn't off by an inch.

Such behavior is unacceptable--especially bearing in mind that the receiver of scorn is powerless to adequately retort.

I'm all for pushing laborers to the limit. If I owned a large firm would expect value for every dollar of payroll I shelled out. However, ethics would prevent me from putting any subordinate in a no-win situation.

Though my money doesn't pay their salary, I cringe every occasion my inbox contains an email from a colleague promoting a link to an internet video that "I gotta check out!" Without viewing, I respond, "Wow!" The word covers videos that induce laughter, videos meant to warm the heart, videos that remind us of a simpler time, videos that make us wonder if our domesticated animal has talents worthy of visual documentation, and videos that make us jump out of our chair.

The third and final major reason Mr. Patel is my current target; perennial failure to carry out oaths.

In my job as IT maven, I've seen a plethora of emails to Mr. Patel from disgruntled staffers claiming that during heated negotiations he promised ultimately undelivered perks. The senders all cried out, "You told me I could trust you!" The perks were usually petty; a better parking spot, a meager bonus or a reduction in weekends spent toiling at the office.

Most employees possessing a, "Now that my John Hancock ornaments the softball sign-up sheet, what actions will the powers that be take to keep me gratified? After all, thousands of local corporations would pay big bucks to have me play solitaire within the walls of their finest cubicle," attitude, I wouldn't think negatively of Mr. Patel had his inbox occasionally contained emails regarding his lack of integrity. But, despite our company's diminutiveness, the number of electronic letters he's received on the topic is staggering.

Besides, I know firsthand that a pledge from his trap and $2.00 will get you a small cup of black coffee.

And if you disrespect Murph, suffering ensues.